The garden of the soul

Lynn Serafinn is author of new book The Garden of The Soul: Lessons From Four Flowers That Unearth the Self, a Personal Transformation Coach, teacher, motivational speaker and talk radio show host. She explains why she wrote her book and how four flowers can help you unearth your self.

How and why did you choose the four flowers you use as the basis for your philosophy on life?

Actually, I didn’t choose them… they chose me! Back in 2003, not long after the divorce of my 22-year marriage, I was chatting on the phone with a young male friend of mine who was also recovering from a divorce. He made a random comment to me, saying that he didn’t think he’d ever find another wife because he was far too demanding. He said, “I like to be the King!” When he said this, I remember saying, “Well there are kings and there are kings…” and immediately in my mind I saw a story. Later that night, I sat down and wrote the story “The Very Good King” in a single nine-hour sitting. I didn’t think about it at all; it was as though the story was being dictated to me. It ended up being a fairytale, something which I found to be quite curious, as I had never written a fairytale before in my life. It was in that story of “The Very Good King” that the four flowers – the Rose, the Iris, the Daffodil and the Lily – simply “appeared”. I didn’t think them up. You might say they just sort of “blossomed”.

At the time, I had no idea what the four flowers meant. I sensed intuitively that they were metaphors for some repressed aspects of my true self, parts that had got lost over the years. I sort of felt what they meant, but couldn’t put words to it. Everyone to whom I read that story loved it, but frankly, I didn’t know what to do with a fairytale. I put it away for several years.

By 2006, I had it in my mind that I wanted to write a book and I started to assemble short stories I had written. But I could see no connection between them whatsoever and couldn’t figure out how they could become an actual book. During that time, the story of “The Very Good King” kept popping up, but I didn’t know how to fit it into the context of anything else I had written.

Then, one morning in March 2007, I literally woke up from sleep and shouted out loud “Of course! That’s it!” And just as spontaneously as the story of “The Very Good King” had come to me, I clearly saw the meaning of the four flowers, and the four principles of “Give” (the Rose), “Receive” (the Iris), “Become” (the Daffodil) and “Be” (the Lily).

Suddenly I saw how all my other stories (including those I had yet to write) fell into these principles and that the story of “The Very Good King” was the glue that tied them all together. That was when my book actually took birth.

What inspired you to change career and offer life coaching to others? Can you share the graffiti on the bridge incident?

I was a professional musician for many years back in the US. I talk a lot about my love/hate relationship with music in the book, and it is a major sub-theme in my journey towards finding my voice. I was first a classical violinist and then went on to eastern music, and then eventually electronic dance music. By the time the 90s rolled around I was in a band that had a number 1 trance hit, and owned a small record label and studio.

Shortly before I divorced, I quit music altogether (again, this is described in the book) and focussed on teaching in colleges here in the UK. I worked my way up the ladder in the educational field, and was the manager of a fairly large performing arts department at a college, and I was even recognised for my work in 2005 when I won the Microsoft UK Innovative Teacher of the Year Award.

With time, the management job took its toll on me in terms of stress and in 2007, just around my 52nd birthday, I had a major burnout and took time off to reassess my life. When I took a good hard look at my motivation in life, I realised that I had been following the “status quo”, in spite of being unhappy doing so, because I wanted to make my parents proud of me… and they had been dead for years! What a wake-up call! I realised I needed a career change.

Several of my close friends encouraged me to become a counsellor, because I was always supporting people in my line of work. I looked into it, but it didn’t feel like “me”. During that time, I was also reading Martha Beck’s fantastic book, “Finding Your Own North Star” (as I felt that is what I needed). Her words really helped me to get back in touch with parts of me that were not fully alive. Then, one day I opened another random book I had bought on counselling and in the very first paragraph it mentioned the term “life coach”. I knew nothing about coaching, nor did I even realise that Martha Beck was a coach. I started to research it and eventually found the Coaches Training Institute. I called them up and really clicked with the woman I spoke with. I took their Fundamentals course and within two days I knew I had finally found my vocation in life. I quit my job immediately and began the daunting task of starting a new business in a brand new career at the age of 52.

With regards to sharing the graffiti on the bridge… I’m going to be really cheeky here and say “no” to sharing what I read on the bridge, as it will spoil the dramatic impact for someone who has yet to read the book (don’t you hate it when people tell you the end of a movie you haven’t seen?). I’ll say this much: for several months before my “burnout” I had been walking across a footbridge to cross the river every day on my way to work. On the bridge I found some graffiti that made me think about my perspective on life in a very deep way. I know with all my heart that this graffiti led me to the decision to leave my job and change careers. I invite your readers to read my book to find out the whole story. I believe it is a prime example of how the Universe conspires to bring you to a place of happiness and fulfilment, even when you are resisting it yourself.

If this piques the interest of your readers, I invite them to find the book on Amazon, or go to my book blog at www.give-receive-become-be.com where they can find more information as well as links to buy the book.

How do you help people become the people they really want to be?

I am a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach and Co-Active Leader. In my business, I call myself a Personal Transformation Coach and my coaching company is called Create-a-Life www.create-a-life.co.uk. The name more or less sums up what I do.

Broadly speaking, I help them to tap into what they really want in life, and to recognise the subtle ways they may have been working against themselves. I give them tools to overcome these self-sabotaging tendencies (that we all have until we become aware of them), and help them to learn how to fill themselves with a real sense of self. Ultimately, I help my clients discover and claim their life purpose, and then create a lifestyle in which they begin to live their purpose.

This is exactly the same process I went through myself. I had so many self-sabotaging tendencies I cannot even begin to list them all. Again, much of my book is talking about my own “monsters” and how I worked through them.
These days, people ask me where I get all my energy and motivation from. I tell them that it is from my life purpose. My life purpose is to be the voice that frees the voices of millions of people so they can sing their own true song. I can only fulfil my sense of purpose if I stay motivated and energetic. But conversely, it is also my purpose that gives me that motivation and energy. So the key it to tap into purpose and then you will find a wellspring of resources at your fingertips. This is what I call “the path of least resistance to the Self”, which is actually the fundamental teaching of my whole book.

How do you apply your philosophy in your own life?

There are a so many things I apply to my own life. First of all is the overall concept of the “path of least resistance to the Self”. That means that instead of fighting against things that seem “hard” or appear to be “obstacles” in life, or placing judgements on what is “good” or “bad” in life, I have learned to listen to what direction the Universe is pointing me instead of trying to fix the situation. When I do that, amazing opportunities have opened up for me. For instance, for a year I struggled with a feeling of being out of place in many traditional business networks to which I belonged. Finally one day, instead of waking up dreading going, I woke up and listened to what the Universe was saying. It was saying “You are out of place here. Create a different place to be.” And that is how I got
the idea of creating the Global Wellness Circle www.global-wellness-circle.com, which has changed so much of life for me.

That was a year ago. These days I react much more quickly to “struggle”. For instance, two weeks before my book was due to launch, there was a big mess with the company I was originally going to publish with. They had been in receipt of my manuscript for three months, but pulled out at the last minute, as they were afraid of what they felt was my “controversial” story around domestic violence. My first reaction was to try to “fix” the situation, and I reacted instead of responded. But very quickly (within 24 hours) I realised that it would only waste time and get myself frustrated if I did that. So instead I said to myself, “Trying to fight this is the hard way.

What’s the easy way?” and I realised it would be much easier simply to find another publisher. I called up someone at 7pm at his home, and he had my book published by lunchtime the next day! On top of that, I ended up saving £400. So I have learned that when something feels “hard” it’s because it is the wrong thing to do. I don’t mean that we should never “work hard” in life. I mean that we shouldn’t feel like we are struggling against our natural instincts.

The other way I apply my philosophy is to check the principles of the four flowers whenever I feel a little bit out of balance. I have got very good at recognising when one of the flowers needs a little loving care in my life. For instance, if I am feeling overwhelmed with a lot of changes (the Principle of Becoming), then it means it is time for me to let go of things I might be holding on to at an emotional level, and to spend more time just “Being.”

If I feel like I am not being understood or I am spending too much energy on things that are not connected to me, then I need to find time to draw out the “Principle of Giving” which is all about self-expression and authentic voice. If I feel depleted of energy, then I need to spend time on “The Principle of Receiving” to refuel my spirit. There are so many ways to use the four principles, and I use it in my coaching as well.

How has it changed your life for the better ?

The whole process of writing the book has changed my life for the better. The primary thing it has done for me is that it has helped me to be unafraid to speak out and “show up” in the world as myself. It took me three drafts to make the book as I truly wanted it, and have it be the honest reflection of myself that was no longer bound by fear and self-judgement. And the more I have allowed myself to become the person I truly am, I have found that I am more able to help others do the same.

Developing and exploring the philosophy of life has also helped me. For decades I was on a spiritual quest trying to find my true path, but I always felt that the real path lay within myself, and that I would never be truly happy until I could touch it and define it. Now that path and those pathways to inner connection are all very clear in my body, mind and heart. I know who I am and what I believe and hold as most valuable. This gives me tremendous strength of spirit, which is something I never had in the past.

You have to remember, and you will find out more about this when you read the book, that I came from a long history of feeling voiceless, having grown up in a highly dysfunctional family with a father who had some undiagnosed mental illness, and then living in a physically and emotionally violent marriage for 22 years. To reach this point in life, and especially to have turned my life completely around in my 50s, to me is nothing short of a miracle, and I feel grateful every single day of my life.

What sort of people have you helped with your book ?

The book has only just come out, so it is still early days. However, I am already receiving emails from people who have bought the book who say they are reading it more than once because they feel deeply connected to it and they want to learn more from it. I have even had men write to me and say that parts of the book had brought them to tears! It is very gratifying that it can touch people so deeply.

One woman wrote to me saying that she has now read the book three times, and that it is helping her to heal from a history of childhood sexual abuse. Many readers have told me that it helps them with bereavement and still others tell me that the book has inspired them to be more expressive in life. Really, if I examine their comments, these are the four flowers blooming in these readers’ lives. The person recovering from abuse, for instance, is being impacted by the Daffodil (the Principle of Becoming), which has to do with rebirth and letting go of old emotions (like anger, blame, shame) and the stories we have “made up” in our mind about ourselves.

I tell my own story of abuse in that part of the book, and how I came to find inner freedom from it, and find happiness. Those who are feeling the call to be more expressive are hearing the call of the Rose (the Principle of Giving), which has to do with passion, expressiveness, boldness, voice, etc.

Can anyone benefit from your ideas – or do you have to be a particular type of person?

Of course anyone can benefit from my ideas, but it does require that you are ready for a good, solid dose of fearless self-honesty. When I coach people, for instance, we can go to places that would otherwise be very scary to the person, but within the coaching context I create a safe place for them to get to the core of the fears and beliefs that have kept them stuck in unhappy lives for so long. The book, actually, is sort of a diary of me being my own coach, and as such it provokes the reader to dive just as deeply into their own experience.

My philosophy, as I explain in the book, is that “If Truth is true, it must be true at all times and in all places.” I wasn’t out to write a book that was only “true” for me, and only true for my circumstances. I was out to write a book the Truth of which could be latched onto by anyone, regardless of their experiences in life, past and present.

Is this something you have to apply to your life on a daily basis, or can you come back to it now and again for a refresher?

For Truth to be true at all times and in all places it has to be something that is easy and memorable and something that can be applied in all circumstances, no matter what else might be there. The four principles in the book are first and foremost EASY - easy to remember and apply. So yes, I do believe it is something you need to apply on a daily basis. It’s like when you want to lose weight. If you go on a crash diet and then return to your old eating habits, it’s pretty pointless. The same thing is true for Personal Transformation. If you go on a weekend course and then feel really “high” from it but have no long-term strategy for applying it, your high will soon wear off and you will slide back into your old patterns of behaviour and self-sabotage.

Can you tell us about the Global Wellness Circle and how it can help people?

The Global Wellness Circle is a holistic community organisation I started in Bedford in 2008, which has now spread to Buckinghamshire, Hertfordshire, Cambridgeshire and Northamptonshire. It is intended as a way of bringing together the holistically-minded public and connecting them. This includes both practitioners and the general public. Each chapter meets once a month for social networking and information sharing in the form of talks, and other activities. We just had our first anniversary “bash” on 18 May. It was fabulous. It helps people by giving them a social network where they can find friends, support, and information about health, wellness, personal development and spirituality.

We also support local holistic professionals with a number of services that help their businesses and a number of ways that raises their profile in the public eye. There is much more I could say about it, but I would ask readers to visit our website at www.global-wellness-circle.com and sign up for our newsletter, so they can find out when the next event in their area is scheduled, and then simply come along to an event to see for themselves.

How did you set up your own business and how well does it fit in with your family life?

Well… my daughter is grown up and married and I am single and I live alone, so I have to say – all that helps! That is NOT to say that I believe you have to be an island to run a business properly. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Success in business or any aspect of life is all down to finding people with whom you feel aligned. That’s when the magic comes in. In my coaching I am a sole proprietor, but I work with different VA/PR people on various projects who infuse energy and a sense of growth to my work.

The Wellness Circle is in a state of flux as it is growing rapidly, and I am working with a business planner to possibly turn it into a social enterprise later this year.

My book is self-published, but I work with a massive amount of people as joint venture partners, all of whom I found through online social networking. THAT is another story, which we can talk about another day.

Currently, I am interviewing people for the job (or jobs) of being my long-term PR and/or VA. If any readers are experienced in either of these areas and would like to work with me as I move into the next phase of my career with my book, I welcome them to contact me at info@give-receive-become-be.com.

Regarding being single: I am embracing the “open armed” attitude of my flower “the Iris” and am ready to receive a new relationship into my life should one come my way in 2009.

Tags: Escape from the comfort zone, Inspirational Women, Women in business